By:  Retirement Home Insider  retirementhomeinsider.com

We don’t just have a lifetime of memories, we have a lifetime of experiences.

My wife and I used to have this tiny little plaid bouncy chair. We got it as a gift when my first son was born, and I could use my foot to rock the chair up and down to put him to sleep.

It became a fixture in our house – going everywhere we did – pretty sure he loved the thing.

Often, when he was awake late at night, we’d watch movies together while I bounced him in his chair.

3 moves and 20 years later, I finally got up the resolve to donate the chair.

Over the years, my wife would always ask me why I kept it. I would mumble something about grandkids.

It was really just an emotional attachment to an object. Fond memories of a time when I was loving being a new Dad.

So I stubbornly held onto the cheap, tiny plaid bouncy chair. Every time I saw it, those memories would flood back.

Just thinking of getting rid of it, felt like a betrayal to those memories.

I suspect those emotions are no different for our loved ones when they inevitably have to downsize.

Having observed and helped thousands of seniors move into retirement homes, here are 4 (And 1/2) simple ways to help calm the process, and reduce some of the angst that comes with downsizing.

1 – Practical Ways To Tackle Downsizing

Breaking It Down, One Step At A Time

“Mom – what do you want to do with your plate collection?” The questions are hard, because for some possessions, there’s no easy answer.

You just want it all to be done.

It’s hard because inevitably, there will be items that you have to make a decision on – like the plate collection – one way or another.

To break these decisions into more manageable chunks, instead of having to figure out what to do in the moment, consider renting a storage unit.

This way, specific items in dispute or things you are unsure about – can be decided on at a later date.

This approach also helps if you just don’t have enough time to get through everything because the downsize needs to happen quickly.

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A storage unit buys you some time and peace of mind for your family. It’s hard process the transition from “something you’ve always known,” to “something different”.

With a storage unit in your back pocket:

1. Begin by focusing on one room at a time. If you like to plan, you can set deadlines for each room.
2. As you work your way through all of your stuff, keep in mind 4 categories for each room. Keep, Sell, Donate & Discard.
3. With the Donate & Discard, there may be things that can be given to nieces and nephews or family members who could use a lawnmower or an extra couch.
4. If you’re not moving anything right away, use stickies to indicate which category the items go into, so you don’t forget.
5. Most seniors hate waste. They grew up in a generation where they darned socks and reused plastic bags. Emphasize donating where you can – that let them know some of these items are going to help others in need, to help with the emotional baggage of the downsize.

2 – The Emotional Approaches To Make Downsizing Easier

It Sounds Simple – But Be Kind To Yourself – And Your Family

Downsizing a home will be emotionally draining for everyone involved. It may spark family disagreements over multiple things.

None of this happens in a vacuum – you probably have 10 items in your own life you still need to deal with – aside from the massive number of boxes you’re staring at in your father-in-law’s basement.

The downsizing process takes energy – a lot of it. The energy expended takes a physical and emotional toll.

It represents the closing of one chapter in life – but the beginning of another.

You’re letting go of a lifetime of memories, as is your loved one. It’s normal to have uncertainty and doubt about doing the right thing.

Be kind to yourself and your family. This isn’t easy for anyone and struggling at times through the process is okay.

For the sentimental items you’re going come across, a few ideas to handle your approach:

1. You could record videos, talking about the special item before letting it go, or simply take pictures and put them in a memory frame. It’s a great conversation piece and can be watched again in the future, like pictures of old jewelry, artwork, or the softball trophy from the 1950’s.
2. Keep swatches or small parts of sentimental items in a memory box or chest. For example, a piece of cloth from baby clothes, a favorite wrench from a tool set, or one old letter instead of all of them.
3. Use a part of your new surroundings set to up a rotating display. Much like you do when the seasons change, use the storage container to keep some items that you can just swap out every quarter.
4. Give some of the sentimental items to loved ones for safekeeping. This way they are sure the item they have to let go is being looked after.

3 – Navigating Family Disagreements

Ways To Get Past Some Of The Emotions Of The Moment

Disagreements on what to do with emotionally charged family heirlooms can be tough.

Try to put away the most contentious stuff to deal with later, and focus on addressing the essentials, the “have to do” items of the move.

I know lots of experts say to deal with the “hardest to do” items first, but in my experience, the “need to do” items of the move, should be the priority.

If you can’t get around certain items or objects – here’s a few thoughts and ideas to help navigate disputes.

Don’t forget to set some ground rules:

1. First, your loved one’s wishes should always rule the roost. It’s not about you. It’s about them.
2. Three siblings want Mom’s plate collection? You could create a “First Choice” system, where family members draw numbers from a hat or rotate selections and family can choose what means most.
3. Sometimes compromise can be reached if you talk through why particular items have such meaning to you. The deep meaning of an item, may be able to “win the day.”
4. You also may be able to use a mediator – someone all parties agree on to help get to a resolution. Can be family, clergy – or pay a prefessional.
5. This idea is definitely funky, but it might work for some. Try a points based auction. Each family member interested in the same items, gets points to bid for the items that have to go. So if there’s 5 items three siblings want, each sibling gets 500 points to bid. Like I said – funky.

4 – Life Pro Tips For The Move Itself

Using Your New Space Wisely

• You may be tempted to bring some sentimental jewelry or keepsakes when it comes to the move. For most valuables that you can’t lock up or wear all the time – avoid sending them with your loved one.
• Items get lost – in the washing machine – they end up with the other missing sock. They can also get stolen. You want to remove the intersection of temptation and opportunity.

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• There’s more space available to you than you realize. Think strategically, by buying smart furniture – with drawers under the bed, space saving shelving in the closet. Use the vertical space – you will have lots of space to put hooks & pegboard, over the door caddies and magnetic knife racks & digital frames – lots of ways to go here.
• Finally – remember you’re downsizing to 65,000 sq ft. If you don’t have it, the home will.

The (And 1/2) Way – It’s The End Result That Counts

Focus On The Benefits Of The Move

Visualizing what the suite could look like when you’re all finished, will help keep your families focus on the end result.

This aligned final goal is the anchor that will help smooth over differences and ensure projects don’t get side tracked.

Moving into a retirement community is a positive extension of your love one’s next chapter in life – immensely beneficial for the mind, body and soul.

Thousands of seniors have found a more vibrant life, laughter and love when they least expected it.

We really appreciate your time. Did we miss anything? Drop us a thought in the comments or send us a note – we’d love to hear from you.

jay@retirementhomeinsider.com

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